When we think of bullying, we may picture physical aggression or verbal taunts directed toward another person. But there is another form of bullying that is just as harmful, yet often goes unnoticed-relational aggression. It grinds my gears when I hear it often referred to as “girl drama”!While some of the behaviors may be seen more often in groups of students who are girls, the reality is that this type of aggression is not limited to girls! It is essential that counselors understand it so that they can recognize it and develop ways to address it.
Relational aggression can be defined as behavior that is meant to harm someone’s social status or relationships. Unlike physical bullying, relational aggression occurs in ways that might be difficult to pick up on. Examples can include
- spreading rumors or gossip
- exclusion from social groups
- intentional silencing or ignoring
- manipulation or controlling behavior
- Withholding friendship as a way to control the other person, or in exchange for seomthing
- Cyberbullying-using social media, cell phones, tables, computers, etc to send mean or hurtful messages.
It can also happen as a group dynamic, with multiple individuals contributing to the bullying.
It is imperative that school counselors understand how relational aggression can be just as harmful – if not more so – as traditional forms of bullying. Victims of relational aggression may experience the same effects as victims of physical bullying-anxiety, depression, isolation, and low self-esteem. This can be incredibly painful, as it can directly target a person’s identity and sense of belonging.
One of the most significant challenges in addressing relational aggression is that it can be difficult to see because it is subtle. Victims are often unaware of the behaviors being used against them or may take the blame for why they are experiencing social problems. Regardless, it is expected that school counselors provide support and resources to these individuals, as well as engage with the perpetrators of relational aggression in a manner that provides education and support.
One way counselors can address relational aggression is by teaching students social skills. Your school counseling program should include lessons, groups, and individual conversations on:
- managing emotions
- empathy
- communication
Additionally, SEL can help foster a positive school climate built on mutual respect, understanding, and connection and therefore create an environment that does not support or ignore relational aggression.
Another important aspect of addressing relational aggression includes working with parents. Parents are critical in modeling healthy communication and modeling positive relationships Encourage parents and caregivers to discuss the harmful impact of relational aggression, and offer tools for intervening in its negative effects. This is a great topic for a “Coffee with the Counselor” or a PTO meeting.
Understanding relational aggression is critical for school counselors and educators working with young people. Despite its subtlety, this type of bullying can have long-lasting effects on its victims. By promoting SEL skills, engaging the students and their caregivers in positive communication, and raising awareness about the impact of relational aggression, counselors create a school environment that is free from harm and promotes healthy connections.
If your students need help addressing relational aggression, check out this full unit of lesson plans/group counseling sessions on educating students about relational aggression bullying. Included are 8 scripted lessons, games, and more!
- Recognize it.
- Address it.
- Eliminate it.
Be Blessed,
Laura